I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
