and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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