we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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