I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
