The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
