Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
