I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You did what with his pubic hair?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
