and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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