She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
