I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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