Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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