4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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