Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
