I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
