I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
