I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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