did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
