my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
