I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
