Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
