I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
