What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
