Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
