..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
