I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
