No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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