Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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