You can't special order awesome
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
