When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
