I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
