i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
