I think I won the penis lottery.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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