it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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