who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
