You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
