Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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