I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
