Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
