It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
