Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
