R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
