I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
