you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
