I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
