I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
