I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They took my balls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ass is underappreciated
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
