I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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