I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
