I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
