This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
