I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
