I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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