smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
