My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
