Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need water and some morals
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
