how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
