He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
